The sun was out and training was going good. Feeling like progress was being made and gains where gaining. Then, out of know where SHABAM! I was in hospital. Thinking it was April and somewhat confused about my date of birth, age and who the hell I was. Thankfully I had Jack - my partner in crime. He gave them all the relevant information even though they seemed reluctant to let him stay due to COVID. I’m not sure they could have got much out of me anyhow.
After triage and a little wait for the CT scan on my noggin the results were in. The found I indeed have a brain and it looked in good condition. The diagnosis? A concussion and that I needed to rest.
This is quite a basic answer. With no real guidance on what to expect . Whether Jack needed to look out for any warning signs for the next 24 to 48 hours. What he should encourage me to do and what not to do when I was more with it.
With no memory or information on the crash. Other than that of a lovely couple who found me in the road, we have nothing to go on. Was it s car getting too close? Something taking my eyes off the road? Or worse, me becoming unwell causing me to crash?
During the first couple of weeks my brain felt like it was bleeding or swelling inside my skull. I could barely function without the sensation of a knife stabbing into parts of my head. My eyes could barely keep up with simple tasks and my heart rate was all over the place. This caused my POTs (Postural tachycardia syndrome) to become worse. Standing up caused my vision to disappear for a second or two. Dizziness and tinnitus joined in the party too. My mental health suffered too, I didn't want to live. The thought of all my hard training being washed away. I felt lost in my own little world and the loss of mum came to the forefront of my thoughts.
With no guidance, other than that of friends, family and a similar experience 6 years ago. I had no idea what was the best way to recover? I was at a complete loss. I was able to rest for a week but started getting restless. As someone who suffers with low mood, depression and irritability. This can be extremely hard when exercise is the medicine that makes you feel better.
After a week at just staring at my bike, I decided to try zwift (turbo). Very much against the advice of those who truly cared. I managed just over 20 minutes. I felt so happy at the time. However, I was naïve to the implications that lay ahead .
Cycling for just 20 minutes meant I was unable to do my own job of dog walking. I lost income and let down my amazing clients. Feeling low, the symptoms and having empty hours in the day just snowballed my mood. To keep my mind away from heartache and frustration, I spent hours gardening and cleaning the house.
So, when I was able to go back to work at my other day job (Pharmacy). I was unable to look at computers or words on paper without feeling very sick. I spent most the time dazed and trying to act fine. 3 hrs seemed exhausting and trying to remember anything was a challenge. As much as my amazing manager and work colleagues tried to help, I just couldn’t do it! So I had to request time off.
Now 5 weeks on, a lot has changed. Although I found it extremely difficult to be on strict rest, I did well! I continued to do some gardening and went on short walks making sure I took my time. I even enjoyed catching up on LOST (2004? what!). Best of all, had the pleasure of watching a lot of bike racing.
Being told to rest seems like a dream for most. But to me It was unusual and extremely hard. Even as someone who has a condition that makes them feel poorly.
It is about finding a balance. Exercise and rest. I am learning - day by day. Sometimes I do ok and other days I struggle. My brain telling me it‘s not ok. A great example was being able to ride 40+ miles one weekend (although slow and steady). Then the following weekend I had to get a lift home due to having an episode of constant palpitations for around 10mins with a heartrate of 200bpm.
I hope with time and support my condition will continue to improve. I aim to provide help to those who suffer a TBI and give them hope that they will get better.
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